[image description: two screenshots from collage-style zine pages.
the first page has a box of text next to a labeled diagram of a cross-section of a penis and scrotum. text reads as follows:
#3: Penises are soft. I can’t say this enough because it is such an important and frequently ignored fact: most of the time a biological penis is neither rock-hard nor an inflexible rod. They’re not supposed to be. The natural, resting state of the penis is soft. Unsolicited erections happen relatively infrequently after the teen years and voluntary boners appear in the dictionary under the entry “diminishing returns.” most penises could never compete with a good dildo on hardness. And those that go the distance are putting themselves at long-term risk: erections that last longer than an hour or so without interruption can cause permanent damage to the vascular system of the penis. We know both statistically and anecdotally that penises are far from permanently-engorged crotch-rocks, and yet almost all sexual discourse on penises is on erect penises, hard penises, penetrating penises.
the second page is all text. the text reads as follows:
Why is this significant? Because the operating assumption in our culture is that only hard penises can have sex, that soft penises can’t have sex and aren’t sexy. This is deeply, deeply incorrect.
The major difference between a soft penis and a hard penis isn’t whether it can have sex, not whether it can give and receive pleasure, only whether it is hard and can penetrate. That’s it. That’s the difference. Hardness. And yet there is almost no writing about sex and soft penises except about how to “fix” them by making them hard. It’s hard, so to speak, for us to seriously consider the concept of sex with a soft penis because we’ve been indoctrinated to laugh at the idea. Penises are supposed to be hard, penetrating organs, and definitely not sexy when soft. It’s not very fashionable to talk about phallocentrism these days, but I can’t think of a better word for the assumption that someone’s private parts are useless because they’re not hard and, well, phallic.
To put it simply, this is stupid. It’s stupid to keep acting like penises are worthless when they are soft, whether that softness lasts a day or six years. We are smarter than that, and it is time to start acting like it. We owe it to the penises in our communities to start playing with them and pleasuring them when they’re soft. I think it’s a particularly good idea to do this because soft penises are a lot of fun that we’re not having, for no good reason.
Contrary to popular belief, a soft penis is not a “Do Not Disturb” sign. Neither is it an accurate indicator of someone’s interest, mood, energy level, or libido. Boners are fickle. Sometimes it’s not in the cards. Then again, sometimes a boner just happens and the only thing on your mind is how much you don’t feel like having one. Your lover-with-a-penis could be counting the seconds until they can get you alone and do filthy, unspeakable things to you and their penis might not so much as twitch. If your lover is a trans woman, there’s a rock-solid chance that this happens all the time. There’s an equally good chance that it never happens at all. For some of us on testosterone blockers no force in the world could summon an erection. For others there’s an impact, and for some there’s almost no change whatsoever.
Regardless of how often you have one on your hands, a soft penis doesn’t need to be anything other than an opportunity to find out what else it can do besides fill up with blood and poke things.
